


You Don't Have To Fight The Tears, (we're together)

by WhoWasIYesterday



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crying, M/M, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 01:50:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19938097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhoWasIYesterday/pseuds/WhoWasIYesterday
Summary: It’s odd, Steve doesn’t cry often. In fact this is the first time Tony sees Steve crying.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a short version of this on my Tumblr but then I thought I should continue the story. It was supposed to be as beautiful as the short one but then I couldn't write as beautifully and I'm not as satisfied anymore. But chapter 2 is the Tumblr version of this.

Natasha is dead… she sacrificed himself. First hard hit for the team, they are all down. Tony and Bruce are silent, they keep their emotions inside them. Thor doesn’t seem sad but he’s pissed off and arguing with Clint. Tony has noticed that Thor uses anger to kill the sadness. Clint and Steve are visibly crying. Tony understands that completely, she was Clint’s best friend. And for Steve Nat was… Natasha was always there for Steve, she supported him and listened him, Steve’s heart is broken.

It’s odd, Steve doesn’t cry often. In fact this is the first time Tony sees Steve crying; so this is how he does it, silently, unlike Tony, no sobbing. Just tears, he lets them go from his eyes, his beautiful eyelashes are forming groups because some of the tears are stuck on them. The tears fall down next to his nose, leaving behind tiny streams so it’s easier for next tear to fall. They continue towards his chin and they hang there for a while, fighting against gravity before Steve either wipes them away with the back of his hand or lets them fall down, leaving marks to his jeans.

Tony wonders if Steve cries often, when Tony’s not around. At nights when he is alone in his room. Is Steve often in pain?

Now that Tony sees Steve like that, he doesn’t know what to do. If this was a normal situation, Tony would hug Steve, tell him that everything is going to be all right… but… this is not a normal situation… He wants to hug him, hold him there, wipe the dropping tears away with his thumb and after a moment, with the tip of his tongue. He would plant kisses on Steve’s cheek and on top of his head. He would tell that everything is okay now because they are together, they can go through this because they are together.

If Tony could just make Steve feel a bit better.

 _“He’s my friend”_  
_“So was I”_  
Tony is sure that Steve doesn’t want his sympathies. He decides just sit there, next to Steve, watching him while he cries silently and beautifully.

_“And I needed you, as in past tense. That trumps what you need. It’s too late, buddy. Sorry.”_  
Tony knows that after this he’s going to regret his decision because the mistakes lead him and Steve to this state. That is the reason why he can’t hold Steve, because they broke all the promises that they made.

*** 

After the moment with all the Avengers together, Tony wanders back to his own room. He collapses to the bed and now that he’s alone, he has the courage to cry. He thinks about Natasha, the first time he saw her and the times she was with him when he had nobody else… he sobs loudly and when he has started it, he can’t stop it. Crying is exhausting thing to do and after a while, Tony falls asleep.

Tony wakes up after an hour but he doesn’t feel rested. He’s covered in sweat because he slept with his jeans and hoodie on. He turns to lay on his back and stares at the ceiling. At the same time he starts to listen the environment and he can hear Steve crying in the room next to his. Tony feels bad for Steve, he doesn’t want Steve to be so sad. Tony rises up and walks to the bathroom. He removes the sweaty clothes and throws them in to the washing machine. He decides to take a shower. When the water reaches his skin he can feel the sweat flowing down with it. He washes the dried tears away from his face. He opens his shampoo, the scent fills the room, and he pours some on his hand and strokes it to his hair. He turns the water colder, washes his dried tears and rinses his hair with it. 

The cold water feels too cold today so he turns off the shower. When the noice of the water is gone, Tony can still hear Steve from the other room. He doesn’t know how long Steve has been crying. But Tony knows that he wants to do something, he has to, he wants Steve to feel better and he can’t just leave him alone. He needs Tony, now. Tony walks back to his bedroom and takes his old, grey sweatpants and his too big, night blue t-shirt out from the wardrobe, he puts them on so he looks relaxed and feels more comfortable.

The corridor is empty when Tony steps out of his room. The floor feels cool when he tiptoes few steps to the next door. He waits for a while, listening and hesitating whether to knock or just turn around and go back to his own bed. He knocks Steve’s door three times. Not too hard, but loudly enough so that Steve can hear him through his sobbing. The sobbing stops and for a while there is a complete silence, only thing he can hear is the air conditioning humming on the roof. Tony waits a moment and then the door opens. Steve looks at him with red and puffy eyes. The hem of his t-shirt is damp because he probably dried his tears to it before opening the door. He forces a smile for Tony and then turns, walks back to bed, leaving the door open. Tony assumes that means that he can come in. 

Tony doesn’t know what to do so he just stands there, in front of Steve’s bed. Tony notices that the man changed back to his Captain America mode… no sobbing, just tears. Tony thinks that Steve looks beautiful even when he’s crying, he wants to say it out loud but he feels that this is not the right time. The silence in the room is torturing because he knows Steve excepts him to say something, perhaps something snappy, but he doesn’t have the words. He doesn’t know how to comfort people when they are in pain.

Tony walks towards Steve who sits on the left side of the bed, facing the wall. When he reaches Steve, Tony sits next to him and rests his hand on his shoulder. He just holds it there and Tony notices even that takes some of the stiffness away, the touch of Tony eases Steves pain, he caresses his thumb over Steve clavicle.

“Steve, you know that you can feel the emotions you are feeling when I’m with you”, Tony says after a while, “I mean that you don’t have to hide anything.”

“Yeah”, Steve says, his voice hoarse because he has cried so much. Tony notices that Steve accepts his words because he starts sobbing again “she– she meant a lot to me. She was always here when I needed someone but… now she isn’t here and I–I don’t know what to do. Tony, I’m lost without her.”

Tony listens Steve silently. _‘I’m with you now’_ , he wants to say, _‘I am here Steve’_. Instead Tony takes Steve’s hand on his own, “I know that, Steve”, he says, his voice weaker he expected. After a silence he says it, because he can’t just sit in silence “and now, I’m here to help you to get over this. If you accept my help and presence.” Now Tony said it, he wants to help Steve, and he was waiting the feel of regret hit him immediately but it didn’t.

Steve is silent for a long time, just watching Tony through his tears, Tony hopes that he doesn’t only imagine the tiny awe in Steve’s eyes. Tony is scared, if the silence means that he doesn’t really want him here. He turns his gaze back to the wall and slowly starts to withdraw his hand form Steve’s, ready to leave, but the man just grabs his hand tighter and pulls Tony closer to him.

“No Tony, I– I don’t want you to leave”, Steve says loudly, “please, don’t leave me”, he adds whispering, voice apologizing that he almost shouted.

Tony turns to Steve and immediately meets his gaze; Steve really means that, he wants him to stay. Tony can feel the fear fading away from him, and it’s replaced with a new feeling that Tony has never felt before. It’s warm and good feeling, his heart is doing flips because of it. He wants to take care of the man, take all his pain away, take the pain in himself if he needs to, he just wants Steve to be happy again. He wants Steve to feel loved and not so lonely.

“Of course I stay”, Tony says softly.

Suddenly Steve is hugging Tony, Steve exhales a shuttering breath on Tony’s shoulder when his whole upper body is pressed against the man. Tony wraps his hands around Steve and hugs him back. Steve looked so small, crying there on his bed but now when Tony’s hands are around him, he realizes how huge Steve is compared to himself. Tony feels himself so tiny in Steve’s big hands. Steve grabs the back of Tony’s t-shirt on his hands, like baby crabs a toy, tight, never wanting to let go. He smells the scent of Tony’s shampoo, the scent of Tony, and it feels nice and safe. Tony caresses Steve’s back and hair. He can feel Steve’s tears wetting his shirt and the warm breath against his shoulder, now Steve breaths more evenly and the tense of his muscles is almost gone. Tony feels more warmth inside him.

After a while they separate. They’re sitting face to face, cross-legged, their knees touching. Tony gazes into Steve’s eyes that are tired from crying. Tony brings his hands up and caresses Steve’s hair. He lovers his hands and wipes Steve’s tears away with his thumb, like he always wanted to do. Steve’s face feels warm and smooth, Tony can feel his sharp cheekbones and jawline, he’s so perfect. Steve leans on Tony’s touch and after that slips his head away from Tony’s hands and rest his forehead on the man’s chest. He wonders what it would feel like if Tony still had the arc reactor. Tony wonders that too, he’s sure Steve wouldn’t have done it if he still had it. Steve’s thoughts stop when Tony kisses his head. Steve’s breathing stops, Tony’s heartbeat is racing and he wonders if Steve can hear it with his super soldier hearing.

Steve turns his head and looks up to Tony. He doesn’t look angry or offended, like Tony thought he would. Steve straightens his back looks at Tony. Now the fear is back, Tony wonders if he went too far. Tony rests his hand on his own knees. After he’s done it, Steve touches the back of Tony’s hands with his fingertips, Tony turns his hands so that his palm is now touching Steve’s palm and laces their fingers. Steve looks Tony differently than before, it’s not a bad look, it’s different in a good way. Steve blushes a bit when he shifts closer to Tony.

When he’s very close he whispers “can– can you kiss me again?” The question shook Tony and he looked maybe too amazed because Steve adds quickly “no, no, you don’t have to if you don’t want. I-– it just felt nice.”

Tony smiles to Steve and leans forward, he can see Steve closing his eyes when he kisses his cheek. When he withdraws his lips from Steve’s skin, he doesn’t back away, he stays there, his face so close to Steve’s, ocean blue eyes staring straight on his. Tony is sure that he can drown in those eyes. Tony moves his head so that their foreheads are touching. He bings his lips closer to Steve’s and waits Steve’s lips to meet his own, soon they do. The kiss doesn’t last long, but after the first, there is another. They are kiss for a while, first the kisses are tiny, careful kisses, both of them testing what it feels like. Then carefully Tony bites Steve’s bottom lip and after that the kisses deepen, making the last kiss deep and long. When they both back away their lips are swollen and they have blush on their cheeks, Steve’s hair is a mess and Tony thinks he looks so good. Still Steve looks sad, the kissing didn’t cheer him up like Tony thought it would’ve. Still Tony smiles to him and gets a forced smile back.

“Felt good”, Tony blurts out, he doesn’t know if he meant it to be a question or he’s own opinion. It definitely was his own opinion because the kiss with Steve felt so good. He likes Steve and he hopes that Steve knows that now. 

He gets an answer from Steve, “yeah, felt amazing”, Steve says out of breath and his cheeks blush some more.

Tony crawls on the bed and sits, his back resting to the headboard. He gestures Steve to come and sit on his lap. Steve comes closer and does like Tony wanted. Steve can feel the warmth of Tony when his back hits Tony’s chest and tummy. Tony wraps his hands around him and squeezes him tight, the hug is full of love and warmth and Steve feels safe on Tony’s arms. He feels like he’s going to cry again and he can’t do nothing for the tears that leaves his eyes.

“You can cry if you want, you know that Steve”, Tony says calmly, “we are together now, you don’t have to fight the tears.” _‘I love you no matter what’_ , he wants to say, instead he adds “you are good the way you are, Steve. You are strong and we will get through this together.”

“I know”, Steve says, his voice breaking “thank you, Tony. This means a lot to me” he adds silently but he knows that Tony heard him.

Steve cries out loud and at the same time Tony starts humming a beautiful melody, his lips pressed on top of Steve’s head, smelling the scent of the man. Tony strokes Steve’s hands and arms with his fingertips and cradles both of them slowly from left to right. When Steve calms down, he falls asleep on Tony’s arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Tumblr story and it's called Crying Silently.

This is the first time Tony sees Steve crying. So this is how he does it, silently, unlike Tony, no sobbing. Just tears, he lets them go from his eyes, his beautiful eyelashes are forming groups because some of the tears are stuck on them. The tears fall down next to his nose, leaving behind tiny streams so it’s easier for next tear to fall. They continue towards his chin and they hang there for a while, fighting against gravity before Steve either wipes them away with the back of his hand or lets them fall down, leaving marks to his jeans.

Tony wonders if Steve cries often, when Tony’s not around. At nights when he is alone in his room. Is Steve often in pain?

Now that Tony sees Steve like that, he doesn’t know what to do. If this was a normal situation, Tony would hug Steve, tell him that everything is going to be all right… but… this is not a normal situation… He wants to hug him, hold him there, wipe the dropping tears away with his thumb and after a moment, with his tongue. He would plant kisses on Steve’s cheek and on top of his head. He would tell that everything is okay now because they are together, they can go through this because they are together.

_“He’s my friend”_  
_“So was I”_  
Tony is sure that Steve doesn’t want his sympathies. He decides just sit there, next to Steve, watching him while he cries silently and beautifully.

_“And I needed you, as in past tense. That trumps what you need. It’s too late, buddy. Sorry.”_  
Tony knows that after this he’s going to regret his decision because the mistakes lead him and Steve to this state. That is the reason why he can’t hold Steve, because they are not there when the other needs them.

Second time… Steve’s not ashamed even if he’s sobbing loudly. He’s standing far away from Tony but he can see him. Tony’s dying, he wants Steve to come closer. He needs him now, and Tony knows that Steve needs him too. Tony really wants to wipe those tears away, Steve needs Tony to tell him that everything is going to be all right. They both need each other now, but Tony can’t stand and Steve’s too afraid to move. _“Please Steve, just this one time, please come closer...”_


End file.
